HIV-Positive

     The other day we met with a man named Lumkile. He worked for the Treatment Action Campaign (TAC). He was HIV positive and wore a shirt that read, “HIV positive.” He wears it in his community. He doesn’t want others to be ashamed of their status, as he once was when he found out he had HIV in 1999. He refused to believe it and continued to have unprotected sex with the same women. One night he was alone, lonely, sad, crying. He was angry, angry with the women who may have given him this disease. He would blame others in anger because it was easier. Then he stopped saying that it was no one’s fault but his own. He had the choice to use a condom and he didn’t. He had complete control over his sex life and he chose not to control it. And now he wants others not to have to experience the same thing. He wears his shirt with confidence, not afraid for others to ask him questions. He wants others to have hope and know there is help. He has been taking ARVs for 10 years and has not been sick. If others come forward to get tested and treated, their lives could be greatly improved.

            I find it amazing he would be brave enough to wear that shirt. I would be freaked out to wear a shirt around saying I have the flu for fear of others wanting to keep their distance from me. I give him a lot of respect. He is brave. He is courageous and I look up to him.  He wants to make a difference in the community and he is making himself internally uncomfortable to do so. He is vulnerable, something not many people in my community could sat they do on a daily basis to complete strangers. It is refreshing to see people here trying to make a change. Many people I talk to get angry and think no one in Africa is doing anything about HIV, that they are all just running around promiscuously having sex and that the US or other countries are they only ones doing anything about it. But that is not completely correct.

            There are people in this community trying to make movement. Trying to educate, create hope and solve complex problems. I think this country still has a lot to fix with respect to the issue of HIV/AIDS (about 25% in the community has it) but I feel and trust in the fact that they are moving in the right direction. I know this will get better. The passion and leadership is amazing here. This community is amazing and is doing great things to progress this world. I look forward to seeing the progress and keeping up with the events of South Africa. 

Listen

Last night we had dinner at Noxie’s (that is my host mom). The food was delicious, as always here. I wish I could tell you what it was called but I forgot. It was some kind of ground spiced gingery pea meat with a nice layer of melted cheese on the top. Not to mention how delicious the lunch at JL Zwane was. Two words for you: Fat cakes. Look it up.  I feel bad for eating when people come here whom barely have 1 meal a day.  It’s 10:30, we all ate breakfast around 7 and we are talking about how hungry we are. But then I think about the food parcels we are putting together for people in the community and I start to wonder if I should feel bad about being hungry. I have 3 huge meals a day, sometimes with snacks. The way society has taught, I think I should feel guilty. But why fell that way? Why not be happy. Happy that I have access to these items. Excited I live a life so privileged.

I don’t think the people here expect us to fell bad for them. Them don’t want us to feel guilty, hopeless, etc. They want us to listen to their stories and try hard to understand what they are going through. The minister the other day at the church we visited talked about how the church and people in the community are always talking but never listening. We are instead supposed to just listen. We need to realize that if you are not a woman with HIV you will never truly know what it’s like to be a woman with HIV. Because of that, all we can do is ask questions, listen, and try hard to understand.  And REALLY listen.

Which is proving to be an easy task with South Africans because they love to talk. And by a lot I mean A LOT. You ask someone what their name is and you get their first name, their Xhosa name, and their surname. Then you get a story about how they were born and into what situation they were born into. Which leads to the name they received. Each name in Xhosa has a meaning. For example Siviwae. His parents wanted a male to be born, but their first-born was a female. So the second child (him) came and they were praying for a male. When he was born they named him Siviwae, meaning answer to prayers.

            So I am learning to listen. I am learning to take in everything everyone is saying. At times, it is difficult to pay attention. I may be tired, cold, distracting or spaced out. But I owe it to the community to stop telling and start listening. They have welcomed me to Gugulethu without any judgments. They have given me a warm welcome into their world and are so open to sharing their stories. It is my duty and respect as a guest into this community to hear them out. To just listen. 

1st day in Gugulethu

What: Gugulethu not as run down as I thought it was going to be.

So What: Fears and Paranoia before you are in a situation tend to be irrational. Stop, relax and do not create emotions until you are knowledgeable.

Now what: Stop worrying all the time; its not worth the stress, time and energy.

Gugulethu is a township outside of Cape Town made up of mostly blacks and colored. In the 1960’s blacks in district 6 were moved out to make room for whites. Blacks were forced into townships, such as Gugulethu. They had no home and had to start with scratch, finding it a struggle to survive. Since then it has been difficult to bounce back out of poverty and the constant struggle of teen pregnancy and HIV has continued. 

In Country Assignment #1

I could start this paper off with some leadership lessons that I have learned here in South Africa. That’s what I feel like I am supposed to do. Talk about how I feel about apartheid, Nelson Mandela, South African history. Don’t get me wrong; many of those things have affected my outlook and meaning on life (as you can see in my previous blogs). Leadership exists all around me: in our group discussions, in our group organizers and in the surrounding community. It is natural for me to connect South Africa with leadership, it seems to associate and scream the subject. But one of my biggest passions in life is science and I have been struggling to link this trip to just that. I find myself wanting to ask the tour guide of our safari what the microbial ecology is in the area.  This past semester I have been surrounded by Microbiology, from my classes to the UROP I received to the REU application I have filled out. I have been surrounding in science the entire time before leaving and now I have been thrown into this country and I have a hard time transitioning into the context of leadership.

Which is partially why I was exciting upon cracking open the book we were assigned to read: Dinosaurs, Diamonds and Democracy. I received a little taste of the scientific history that South Africa holds. The word bacteria was mentioned on the first page, explaining that South Africa contains fossils that hold the remains of ancient bacteria dating back to the earliest evidence of live on earth, 3.5 billion years ago. The book continued on to explain that the first evidences of humans on earth were also found in places of Africa, such as the famous fossil Lucy. Due to these reasons, the first half of the book was naturally a quick and interesting read.

Now, I know that this has little to do with leadership, but my leadership skills lie within my passions and science is one of them. After learning this information, I have found myself connecting with South Africa in my own special way, a way that is unique to my scientific interests and my future. Now that I can feel myself becoming one with this country, I know I will be able to “switch” my brain to a leadership context and start to understand the country from a different lens. When I first arrived in South Africa, I found myself trying to be this intelligent leadership student with tons of insight and understanding. But I have found that is not how I work. I need to slow down, step back, connect with my surroundings (however I find necessary to do so) and THEN start to reflect with respect to certain subjects (in this case leadership).

So now I finally feel like I can mentally start this trip with reference to leadership. It has taken me awhile and I did not understand why I was struggling so much until reflecting in this paper. I have learned that I can have more than one passion in life, science and leadership. I do not necessarily have to “turn off” one side of my brain to focus on the other. I can find my own ways to connect the two, to make them feel as one. I am happy to be making this experience one of my own, something that can be unique to my interests and special to my liking. I am excited to get this journey started. 

My Favorite Place in the World

Can I just say today was AMAZING. We had a full day excursion, which started out with the most amazing scenic drive along the coast of the Indian and Atlantic Ocean.  We stopped along the way to see the wild penguins just hanging out at the beach and then made out way to the peninsula and Cape Point. On the way to the point we encountered some baboons eating snacks in the middle of the road (pictures below). 

Once to the park, we climbed up the mountain and let me tell you, it was beyond worth it. Upon arriving at the top, I was almost brought to tears. It was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed. Standing atop this mountain at the edge of this lighthouse, I could see for miles. At the point is where the Atlantic and Indian Oceans meet. So I can officially say I have seen 2 oceans at the exact same time in the exact same place, live. We were miles in the air, with the waves crashing below, mountains in the distance, with the nearest next location being Antarctica. Words cannot even describe how amazing this was. I have so much video (HD, thanks to Brian in the leadership minor office), amazing video if I had the capabilities I would upload it on to youtube and show you all. Even then it would be indescribable.

Left of point=Indian Ocean
Right of point= Atlantic Ocean
(we walked all the way out to the point)

 I was breath taken and every time I am stressed, mad, bored, happy, or sad I will think back to this moment and this feeling. How can you be anything but happy when you think of this place? I know I will be coming back here; I want to share this place with others around me.  I am so thankful I have friends and family who have supported my trip. Without them I would not be here and I am grateful beyond words to have this experience. 

Histories, racial divides, internal struggles

Today we learned about the history of South Africa, which is surprisingly very recent. There are specifics that I could divulge into but I will try to sum it up in a couple sentences (ish). The Dutch were the first to colonize South Africa followed by the British and eventually the intermixing of French and Germans. The main indigenous group of the region was the Khoisans.  Of course, the history is much like the European invasion of America where the Khoisans were not too excited to have foreigners coming into the country telling them a different way to carry out their lives. Slavery existed in South Africa; the Europeans brought many of the slaves from Indonesia and Malaysia. We went to the slave museum and learned that slaves were ripped of their identities, having their names changed to offensive words such as vegetables or the months that they arrived in SA. The abolition of slavery took place with ordinance 50 in 1828.

We will be learning more tomorrow about the final stages of SA’s history from 1910-present tomorrow (Xhosa and democracy).  It was interesting to learn about slavery and compare it to my knowledge of America. From what I can tell, and I will have to clarify this, there has been no extreme racial tension between the race of the slaves in SA and the inhabitants of the original region. Yet there is and was still this apparent divide between the Blacks of the country and the white Europeans. I find it interesting that in America, racial tension between whites and blacks came from slavery whereas here, it has seemed to come from colonization. Yet no matter the source, it has been between white and blacks. I find that interesting. Is it because of the obvious visual color difference that just leads us humans to naturally separate ourselves? I haven’t figured this one out yet.

The divide between blacks and whites is a recent problem and continuing solution. The apartheid (separation of blacks and whites) just ended in 1994. That is in my lifetime. In 1966, District 6 was banned to Blacks to inhabit the area. That is in my parent’s lifetime. The government declared District 6 a white area only and all of the blacks had to leave their homes and all the buildings were demolished. Just swept out. And then no one else really took up shop in those areas. I cannot believe that happened, that kind of discrimination. It makes me skeptical on the feelings of those around me. Are there elders or children in the SA community who see me as a white person and feel disgust or hatred? SA’s history is so recent and everyone seems to be trying to overcome this struggle but I do not know where everyone is during this progress. It has proved to be a struggle with me to interact within the community. At the bakery yesterday some of us were looking at the delicious options and the black woman behind the counter gave us attitude walked away and said if you don’t want to buy anything don’t come to our bakery, and then rolled her eyes.  I am not sure if it was because we were white or if we were American or both. But I felt uncomfortable and scared. For this is one of the first times I am a minority in a community and I don’t know how to process. It is hard for me not to take it personally. It is hard when I accept them and they don’t accept me.. But I have to remember their wounds are fresh, their history is recent. I cannot imagine what it was like living in the United States after the abolition of slavery and what the racial divide was like then. Many might still be bitter, annoyed, confused, and struggling.

District 6 before it was considered a "white group area" (1966)

District 6 after 

All I can do now is be respectful to others, as my parents have taught me. To treat everyone respectfully no matter race, culture, background, gender, height or weight. I know that as I interact with this community I will be satisfied knowing I am doing just that, even if those around me haven’t reached that point or do not want to reach that point.  I need to let go and understand that I cannot control what others feel towards me, I need to not take it so personal. They have nothing against me; they have been through some intense hard times. They need to grieve and go through their own internal process to deal with the hardships they have experienced. I need to be the best version of myself and that alone should allow me to be satisfied with my time spent here.

From USA to SA

We have successfully landed in South Africa, 26 hours later. Lexi: the food was best on the flight from Amsterdam to Cape Town. Our lunch meal was a chicken with a nice glazed mango fruit sauce and a side of rice. Also came with cous cous and salad, bread and a slice of presidente brie and for dessert an apricot mango mousse with chocolate bits on top, choice of drink on the side. Movies were also a pleasant selection, I watched Harry Potter, True Grit, Blue Valentine and various TV shows. Also learned a bit of Spanish through the interactive language game.

When we arrived we were greeted by Aaron (our professor), Alan (the leader of the study abroad program in South Africa) and Jane (Logistics), I’m sure we looked stunning. We are staying at the Riverview lodge, which is an exchange student long-term housing building through UCT.  We arrived, got settled into our rooms and took a shower. Showers were interesting, the temperature went from super hot to very cold every 5 seconds. We all got a good laugh out of it. Then we went to bed around the time that we should have been eating dinner in the US so it took me a while to fall asleep and it was difficult to stay asleep after that. But I will sleep better tonight.

Today we became oriented with the town and learned about the surrounding area. The population in Cape Town is around 5.2 million, with 50% colours, 30% blacks, 18% whites and 2% other (From what I remember). There are about 8 different languages spoken here with Afrikaans being the main. We tried some good foods such as sambosas, and cook sisters. Pictures below. Yum. We had a delicious South African traditional dinner tonight and it was delicious. Unfortunately I didn’t have my camera and could not take a picture (I seem to be taking more pictures of food than surrounding areas lately...).

It is uncomfortable being in a different country and not understanding the rules completely (like what side of the road to drive on...). Is it weird if I smile at people while walking through the streets? In Minneapolis I just smile or nod at everyone I pass, regardless of race, gender or culture. I am still trying to vibe out if that is okay here. It is hard travelling in a large group because we are tourists and we stand out. Not saying I don’t LOVE this group, it’s just different when people stare at you because we are obviously American, with our North Face backpacks and large camera bags. I am trying to figure out if that’s just me being paranoid or if people are actually staring. Aaron and I talked about my odd constant need to feel accepted so perhaps that is what I am doing in this country, wanting to be accepted by the people.

Tonight we got to listen to a variety of South African music genres from Alan’s former student DJ, who’s name is also Aaron. It was relaxing. Combined with the after affects of jet lag it was almost too relaxing. DJ Aaron said he would email us some songs so I will have to post a few on here. Or perhaps I can find one on youtube.  Tomorrow we are learning about politics and culture, touring the Cape of Good Hope, visiting the District Six Museum (apartheid related) and visiting the Iziko Slave Museum. Free time at night, proving to be an adventurous day.

Chelsey